給年輕的你！
美國老爹分享的愛情語錄
Preface
Hey! Stop! You need to read this first.
Someone once said, “Free advice is often overpriced”. He was right.
This book is full of free advice, freely given from people who do not know you, and do not understand your problems. The advice these people offer is based on their own experience, which may be very different from yours. Therefore, you need to be careful about choosing which advice, if any, to follow, and how to apply it to your own life. Good advice for one person may be very bad advice for someone else.
That said, the experience of other people often can provide value in our own lives. Human relationships are complicated. Life can be frustrating. Growing up can be confusing. Trying to figure all this out on your own can be exhausting. Everyone needs to find sources of experience and wisdom in their lives. Some people look to their parents and grandparents. Others find it in literature or religion. However, wherever you find that wisdom and experience, it’s up to you to decide if it’s right for you.
As you read, take note of particular advice that resonates with you. Maybe you’ll find something that’s directly related to something you’re going through right now. Maybe you’ll find something that you completely disagree about. You can use these pieces of advice as a way to start useful conversations with people in your own life, people who do understand you and know about the challenges you’re facing. Share these pieces of advice with people you trust: your friends, your parents and your teachers. Ask them what they think – they may offer a new perspective that helps you find the answers you’re looking for.
前言
嘿！ 等等！ 您得先讀讀這個。
有人曾說：“免費的建議往往要價不菲”。他是對的。
這本書滿滿都是免費的建議，而且是由不認識您，也不了解您的問題的人免費提供。這些人所提供的建議乃是根據他們自己的經驗，可能與您的經驗截然不同。因此，您需要謹慎地選擇遵循什麼建議（如果有的話），以及如何將其運用於自己的生活。有些建議對某人而言是好的建議；但對其他人來說，卻又是非常的不恰當。
話雖這麼說，他人的經驗常常會對我們有參考價值。人際關係很複雜。生活可能令人沮喪。成長可能令人迷惘。試圖靠自己弄清楚所有這些事，可能使人筋疲力竭。每個人都需要找到人生經驗和智慧的來源。有些人仰望父母和祖父母。其他人則轉向文學或宗教。但是，無論您在哪裡找到智慧和經驗，是否合適都取決於您自己。
閱讀時，請注意與您產生共鳴的特別建議。也許您會發現一些與您正在經歷的事情直接相關的建議。也許您會發現您完全不同意的建議。您可以利用這些建議，作為與了解您和您所面臨挑戰的人，開始進行有用的對話的一種方式。與您信任的人分享這些建議：您的朋友、父母和師長。詢問他們的想法 - 他們可能會提供新的視角，幫助您找到所需的答案。
Introduction
This book started with frustration and a Facebook post. I’d gotten into an argument with my daughter over dinner. What was the argument about? I really can’t even remember, but I was being the typical parent, insisting that I knew best and that someday she’d come to understand my point of view. She was being a typical teenager, rolling her eyes and blowing me off.
Later that night, I wrote on Facebook:
“If you could go back in time and give a piece of advice to your 15-year-old self, what would you say?”
And then I went to bed.
Typically, the things I put on Facebook might get a couple of likes and very few comments, so I was completely unprepared for what I found on my phone the next morning. On top of the Facebook icon on my phone’s screen was a red circle with the number “238”. As I blearily rubbed my eyes, wondering what was wrong with my phone, the number jumped. “239”. Then, “240”.
I opened the app to find a flood of messages from high school and college classmates, from my parents and their friends, and from complete strangers. Each offered some advice or snippet of wisdom they wished someone had told them years before, so they wouldn’t have had to learn the hard way.
“Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s just fine.”
“Being brave doesn’t mean never being afraid. It means not letting fear stop you.”
“Let go of who you were, love who you are, look forward to who you’ll be.”
“Freedom comes from forgiving yourself and others.”
The question had touched a sensitive nerve. People felt some deep wish to talk to their younger selves, to reassure them and help them and guide them through life. There was advice on love and marriage from people I knew had recently gone through divorce. Reflections on the importance of hard work (and luck) from some of the most professionally successful people I know. Thoughts on family and friends from those who’d lost people they loved.
“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”
“The reason you’re in this mess is because your poor decision making.”
“Take care of your brothers and sisters. You may not like them all the time, but you always need to be there for each other.”
“If he cheats, leave. Immediately. Don’t look back. No second chances.”
This was a new and different side of Facebook than I’d been accustomed to seeing. Normally, we treat Facebook as a place to present our “best selves” – the happy, successful, fulfilled people we all are sometimes and wish we could be all the time. But these responses, and their hard-earned wisdom, had a feeling of heartfelt authenticity and vulnerability that made them stand out as important and meaningful.
“Be present. Put your phone down and be with me. I’m more important than whatever’s going on in your phone. And if I’m not, what are we doing?”
“Don’t take yourself so seriously.”
“Forgive yourself for foolish things you did in the past. Yes, you're an idiot, but we all are.”
“Either you can accept your situation or change it, but don’t complain about it.”
I shared the post with my kids. Here and there, they saw something that made them nod or smile. “Got any more like this?” they asked.
So, starting that afternoon, I began posting the same question all over various social media platforms, and the answers started to come pouring in from all over the world.
“Your success in life is largely dependent on how many uncomfortable conversations you're willing to have.”
“If someone is gossiping to you, they are most certainly gossiping about you.”
“If she’s talking to you when she doesn’t have to, she likes you.”
“Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from poor judgment.”
Paging through thousands of responses, some prominent, consistent themes became evident. Based on the frequency of repetition, the three most important things everyone should know is to take care of your teeth, learn to say ‘no’, and wear sunscreen.
But many of the responses were unique and showed careful consideration. Many were clearly very personal, hard lessons deeply learned.
“Stop obsessing about her. She’s clearly not that into you. And while you’re trying to fix something that can’t be fixed, you’re not looking around at all the possibilities that are walking right past you.”
“When dealing with challenges and hard times, act in a way that will make you proud of yourself when it's all over.”
“Don’t ‘be yourself’. Often times, ‘yourself’ isn’t that great. Instead, be the best person you can possibly be. Be the person you want to be.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, and you are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave.”
Friends began asking me to compile lists for them to share with their children. One person pointed out the need: “My husband and I are busy all the time, and by the time we get home from work, we’re exhausted. We don’t live near our parents, so the kids don’t get to spend much time with their grandparents, and there really aren’t any older people in their lives. All the wisdom they should be getting from older people, I guess they’re trying to get it from YouTube.”
Among the thousands of comments I’ve received and read, one in particular stood out: “Write the book you want to read.” Well, this is the book that I wanted to read, and is also the book I wanted to share with my children, hoping it would help them find useful guidance and reassurance. I hope it helps you and your family find the same.
介紹
這本書是從挫折和Facebook帖子開始的。 某一次晚餐，我與女兒彼此在爭論，至於當時在爭論什麼，我真的不記得了，但是我的表現就是典型的父母親，始終堅持我最了解，總有一天她會理解我的觀點；而她的表現則是典型的青少年，不停的對你翻白眼跟抱怨。
那晚後來，我在Facebook上寫道：
“如果時光能倒流，讓你給15歲的自己一個建議，你會說什麼？”
然後我就上床睡覺了。
通常，我在Facebook上所發布的內容只會得到一、兩個讚和極少量的評論，因此我對第二天早上在手機上看到的情況完全沒有準備。 手機螢幕上的Facebook圖標上方是一個紅色圓圈，裡面的數字是“ 238”。 當我睡眼惺忪地揉揉眼睛，想知道手機出了什麼問題時，數字跳到 “ 239”， 然後“ 240”。
接著我打開app，裡頭有我高中和大學時期的同學、我的父母和他們的朋友以及不認識的陌生人所提供的大量訊息。 每個人都提供了一些他們希望當年有人可以告訴他們的建議或智慧的片段，好讓自己得以跳過當時艱困的學習過程。
“並不是每個人都會喜歡你，那沒關係。”
“勇敢並不代表從不害怕， 而是不要讓恐懼阻止你。”
“放開過去的自己，愛現在的自己，期待未來的自己。”
“自由來自寬恕自己和他人。”
這個問題觸動了許多人的敏感神經。人們強烈地希望能與年輕時的自己交談，藉此鼓勵他們並幫助和引導他們走過人生。其中有我認識但最近離婚的人提供了關於愛情和婚姻的建議，也有一些我認識的成功專業人士對努力工作（和運氣）的重要性的思考，還有一些失去親人的人對家人及朋友的想法。
“不要輕賤別人的心，也不要容忍對你輕賤的人。”
“讓你陷入困境的原因是決策不力。”
“照顧好你的兄弟姐妹。 你可能不會一直喜歡他們，但你們始終需要彼此。”
“如果他劈腿，請立刻離開。不要回頭，也不要再給他機會。”
這次的內容是全新的體驗，而且跟我平常所看到的Facebook完全不同。通常，我們會把Facebook當作展示“最好的自我”的地方，可以展現自己充滿歡樂、成功、充實的時光，而且期望自己能一直持續下去。但是，我這次所收到的回應以及他們得來不易的智慧，令人感到衷心的真誠與脆弱，從而使它們脫穎而出，變得重要和有意義。
“活在當下。請放下手機，與我同在。 我比你手機裡的任何事都重要。 要不然，我們幹嘛在一起？”
“別太把自己當回事。”
“原諒自己過去所做的愚蠢事。沒錯，你是個白痴，但我們全都是。”
“你可以接受現況或進行改變，但不要為此抱怨。”
我和孩子們分享了這篇貼文。當他們在瀏覽這些貼文時，有些會讓他們點頭稱是，有些則是會心一笑。「還有這樣的東西嗎？」他們接著問。
因此，那天下午我就開始在各種社交媒體平台上發布相同的問題，答案也隨之從世界各地湧入。
“人生之所以會成功，很大程度取決於你願意進行多少次不自在的談話。”
“如果有人來跟你聊八卦，他們肯定也會跟別人聊你的八卦。”
“如果她在沒必要時與你交談，她就是喜歡你。”
“好的判斷來自經驗。 經驗來自糟糕的判斷。”
翻閱數千份的回應後我發現，有些主題顯而易見地突出而一致。 根據重複的次數，每個人都應該知道的三件最重要的事情是照顧牙齒、學會說“不”和搽防曬霜。
但這其中有許多回覆是獨特的，而且看得出來是經過深思熟慮的。也有許多回覆顯然是非常個人、而且慘痛的教訓。
“別再迷戀她了，她明明沒那麼喜歡你。 而且，當你嘗試挽回無法挽回的事情時，你就不會注意到那些經過你身邊的任何一絲可能性。”
“在面對挑戰和艱困的時刻時，應該採取一些能在事後讓你感到自豪的作為。”
“不要自以為是。 通常，你自己並沒有你想像的好。 相反地，盡可能成為最好的人。 做你想做的那個人。”
“有時光有愛是不夠的，而你也不會因為想要與所愛的人分手而變成一個很差勁的人。 離開是不需要理由的。”
我的朋友開始要我幫他們按照類別編列清單，以便他們能與孩子們分享。其中有一個人明白說出她之所以需要的理由：「我和丈夫一直都很忙，每次下班回到家都已經筋疲力盡。由於我們沒有跟父母住在一起，所以孩子們也沒有很多時間和祖父母相處，平常生活幾乎不會接觸到老年人。我猜他們正嘗試從YouTube上得到應該從老年人那裡得到的所有智慧。」
在我收到並閱讀過的數千條評論中，有一條特別引人注目：“寫你自己要讀的書。” 好吧，這就是我想讀的書，也是我想與孩子們分享的書，希望能幫他們找到有用的指引和保證。 我希望它也能幫助您和您的家人找到同樣的東西。
2024專利防護中