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【霧】
〈名詞〉低空瀰漫的凝結水汽團，容易導致能見度降低。
「倫敦以霧都聞名。」中學課本上如此說道。我們讀過狄更斯《霧都孤兒》（台譯《孤雛淚》）的小說選摘。這本書在中國名氣大得很，人人曉得主角奧利佛住的地方霧害不是普通的嚴重。
這會兒真的來到倫敦，四下張望卻見不到半點霧。
「不好意思，請問哪兒看得到霧？」我問街頭的值勤員警。
「什麼？」他說。
「我已經等了兩天，都沒有霧，」我說。
他直盯著我瞧，一定是聽不懂我的英語吧。
出門走馬看花回到「納廷頓之家」，接待處的女士跟我說：「今天好冷，是不是？」幹嘛這樣說，這我已經曉得了，現在講有什麼用，我剛從外面觀光回來，早就凍到不行了。
今天我才讀到，住宿處不許居留超過一個禮拜。我不懂這算什麼規矩。在中國聽人家說「資本主義國家金錢萬能」。還有我爸媽老愛講的，有錢能使鬼推磨。
怎麼這地方付錢也不讓人家待下去。爸媽的話不準了。
我上網查看倫敦第一和第二區便宜的租房，抄下電話打給仲介公司。接電話的先生聲音聽起來全像來自阿拉伯國家，而且名字全叫阿里。他們的英語也是勉強湊合而已。一位阿里負責雲石拱門區，一位阿里負責貝克街區。不過我挑了牛津圓環地鐵站附近，請另外一位阿里先生帶我去看房子。結果連走進門都有問題。地方髒、光線差不說，還有濃濃的異味。我哪有膽搬過去住？
倫敦表面光鮮，堂皇，然而這些阿里們帶我探過究竟之後，才曉得原來倫敦也有難民營般的所在。
Fog
n. mass of condensed water vapour in the lower air, often greatly reducing visibility.
‘London is the Capital of fog.’ It saying in middle school textbook. We studying chapter from Charles Dickens’s novel Foggy City Orphan. Everybody know Oliver Twist living in city with bad fog. Is very popular novel in China.
As soon as I arriving London, I look around the sky but no any fogs. ‘Excuse me, where I seeing the fogs?’ I ask policeman in street.
‘Sorry?’ he says.
‘I waiting two days already, but no fogs,’ I say.
He just look at me, he must no understanding of my English.
When I return Nuttington House from my tourism visiting, reception lady tell me: ‘Very cold today, isn’t it?’ But why she tell me? I know this information, and now is too late, because I finish my tourism visiting, and I wet and freezing.
Today I reading not allowed to stay more than one week in hostel. I not understanding hostel’s policy. ‘Money can buy everything in capitalism country’ we told in China. My parents always saying if you have money you can make the devil push your grind stone.
But here you not staying even if you pay. My parents wrong.
I checking all cheap flats on LOOT in Zone 1 and 2 of London and ringing agents. All agents sound like from Arabic countries and all called Ali. Their English no good too. One Ali charges Marble Arch area; one Ali charges Baker Street area. But I meet different Alis at Oxford Circus tube station, and see those houses. I dare not to move in. Places dirty and dim and smelly. How I live there?
London, by appearance, so noble, respectable, but when I follow these Alis, I find London a refuge camp.
【客人】
〈名詞〉1.到別人家裡作客或接受他人款待的人；2.應邀表演或演講的人；3.飯店或餐館的顧客。
嶄新的一天。你打電話給我。我馬上認出你的聲音。你邀請我去參觀裘園。
「求園？」
「到瑞奇蒙地鐵站和我碰頭，」你說。「瑞-奇-蒙。」
多好的天氣。真是難得。四處綠油油的一片，多寧靜的地方。櫻桃樹含苞待放，你為我介紹了心愛的雪花蓮。我們看見那地方按不同的主題闢建了許多小花園。非洲花園的主題是棕櫚樹。北美洲花園是大岩石。南美洲花園是仙人掌。還有亞洲花園也在那兒。我真高興管事的人沒有漏掉亞洲花園。
不過進去一看令人好生失望。蓮花和竹子長在印度花園，梅樹和石拱橋長在日本花園。我的中國花園在哪兒？
「看起來他們好像漏掉了中國花園，」你對我說。
「太不公平了，」我氣著說。「竹子屬於中國。熊貓在中國吃的就是竹葉，你一定聽過，對不？」
你笑出聲來。你說你同意。他們應該從印度和日本花園移出幾樣植物好好建個中國花園。
草地邀請我們兩個躺下來。我們並肩躺在一塊。我從來沒有跟一個男人這樣靠近過。青草的汁液沾溼我的白襯衫。天空蔚藍，飛機低低越過我們頭頂，好清晰。我看著草地上移動的飛機身影。
「我想看看你住的地方，」我說。
你直直看進我的眼睛。「那就當我的客人。」
guest
n. 1.person entertained at another’s house or at another’s expense; 2.invited performer or speaker; 3.customer at a hotel or restaurant.
A new day. You call me. At once I know your voice. You ask if I want visit Kew Gardens.
‘Queue Gardens?’
‘Meet me at Richmond tube station,’ you say. ‘R-i-ch-m-o-n-d.’
Is beautiful weather. What a surprise. And so peaceful in the grassy space. So green. Cherry blossoms is just coming out and you tell me about your favourite snowdrops. We see there is different small gardens with different theme. Africa garden are palm trees. North America garden are rocks. South America garden are cactus. And there is too Asia gardens. I so happy Manager not forgetting Asia gardens.
But I so disappointing after we walk in. Lotuses and bamboos is growing in India garden, plum trees and stone bridge is growing in Japanese garden. Where is my Chinese garden?
‘Doesn’t look like they’ve made a Chinese garden,’ you say to me.
‘But that very unfair,’ I say in angry voice. ‘Bamboos belongs to China. Panda eats bamboos leafs in China, you must hear, no?’
You laugh. You say you agree. They should move some plants from India and Japan garden to make Chinese garden.
The meadow asking us to lie. We rest beside each other. I never do that with a man. Juice from grass wetting my white shirt. My heart melting. Sky is blue and airplane flying above us, low and clear. I see moving shadows of the plane on the meadow.
‘I want see where you live,’ I say.
You look in my eyes. ‘Be my guest.’
【誤會】
〈動詞〉未能恰當地理解。〈名詞〉通俗的口語用法，指雙方意見不一致，起爭議，或爭吵。
原來這全都是起於一個誤會。當你說出「客人」一詞，我以為這表示我可以住進你的房子當「房客」。一個星期之後，我就真的搬離中國房東。
其實我沒多少家當，一只滾輪失蹤的大皮箱就處理完畢。先生替我搬箱子。太太幫忙開門。白色小貨車等在屋外，方向盤上你的兩隻手擱著。
先生將滾輪失蹤的行李箱抬上貨車，你對著房東笑笑，鑰匙一扭發動引擎。
好想問房東一個心裡憋了很久的問題，我把頭伸出車窗：
「你們院子裡為什麼都不種點東西？」
太太愣了愣：「幹嘛種？這地方東西長不成的。沒太陽。」
我掃了這塊水泥院落最後一眼。還是一樣，沒有任何細節值得留戀。像一小塊迷你的戈壁沙漠。這算什麼生活！還是所有移民到此地的人都這麼過日子？
白色小貨車起步，我回房東太太：
「沒這回事。這地方到處綠地。怎麼你說樹會長不成？」
我們駛離那棟房屋。房東夫婦不停向我揮別。
我說：「中國人有時候很怪。」
你笑了：「你們中國人我完全不懂。不過我倒是很想好好認識你。」
我們駛上大馬路。我的皮箱默不作聲躺在後頭。搬個家在西方如此輕鬆愉快？我很高興能夠搬離沉悶無趣的多特哈姆哈爾，心想終於可以開往高明一點的地區。可是兩旁駛過的街道越來越不對勁。成群的黑人小孩呼嘯嬉鬧。狗狗圍著乞丐坐在角落，他們抽菸，嘴裡不知喃喃些什麼。
「你住的地方在哪兒？」我問。
「哈克尼。」
「哈克尼什麼樣子？」
「就哈克尼那樣，」你說。
Misunderstanding
misunderstand v. fail to understand properly. misunderstanding n. informal a disagreement, argument, or fight.
That’s how all start. From a misunderstanding. When you say ‘guest’ I think you meaning I can stay in your house. A week later, I move out from Chinese landlord.
I not really have anything, only big wheel-missing suitcase. The husband helping me suitcase. The wife opening door. Your white van waiting outside, you with hands on wheel.
Husband puts wheel-missing suitcase on your van, you smile to landlord and turn engine key.
I want ask something to my landlord that I always wanting ask, so I put my head out of window:
‘Why you not plant plants in your garden?’
Wife is hesitate: ‘Why? It is not easy to grow plants in this country. No sun.’
For last time I look the concrete garden. Is same no story, same way as before. Like little piece of Gobi desert. What a life! Or maybe all the immigrants here living like that?
White van starting up, I respond to wife:
‘Not true. Everywhere green in this country. How you say not easy growing plant here?’
We leave house behind. The couple is waving hands to me.
I say: ‘Chinese strange sometimes.’
You smile: ‘I don’t understand you Chinese at all. But I would like to get to know you.’
We driving in high street. My suitcase lie down obediently at back. Is so easy move house like this in West? I happy I leave my grey and no fun Tottenham Hale, heading to a better area, I think. But streets becoming more and more rough. Lots of black kids shouting outside. Beggars sitting on corner with dogs, smoking, and murmuring.
‘Where your house?’ I ask.
‘Hackney.’
‘How is Hackney?’
‘Hackney is Hackney,’ you say.
【親密】
〈形容詞〉1.擁有親密的人際關係；2.個人的，私人的；3.（和知識相關）精通的，詳細的；4.（+ with）有性關係的委婉用語；5.怡人、融洽的氣氛。〈名詞〉密友，至交。
兩個人親密生活如何保有隱私。
我們認識一個禮拜之後便住在一起。你說之前從未和別人如此親密生活。你說，當你的朋友比當愛人重要。那和我的中國式愛情觀念天差地遠──家庭代表了一切。
或許西方人彼此親密有困難。大家儘量保持距離，免得失去獨立，所以相愛的人也不住在一起，他們選擇只在週末的時候相聚，或者一個禮拜睡覺兩次。家人分開住的結果導致家庭親密感喪失。或許正因如此，西方人較常見到隔閡，孤單，老人院一堆。或許，這也是報紙不時出現「彼得檔案」（成年男子沉迷於手淫給女人觀看）和性變態報導的原因。
我們在你的白色老貨車裡。你想帶我去一個特別的地方，柏翰海灘。
「是英國的海嗎？」我問，想到第一次造訪大海就興奮。你咧開嘴笑。
「B-e-e-c-h，不是b-e-a-c-h。在英國，beech是一種樹，不是海。我下次再帶你去海邊。」
我哪有辦法分辨你們複雜的語言──那不像我們中國光是腔調的變化而已。我們有四種聲調，聲調不同，字就不同。比如：
ㄇㄧ 一聲代表瞇。
ㄇㄧˊ 二聲代表迷。
ㄇㄧˇ 三聲代表米。
ㄇㄧˋ 四聲代表蜜。
車子在M40公路上跑，我拿出辭典想把beach∕beech查個究竟。柯林斯跟我說那是一種歐洲樹木，可是看我的小本簡明辭典，說是一種樹叫「山毛櫸」，中國到處可見。這種樹我們砍來當廚房材薪燒。我們拿它來挑籮筐，小時候我們還採過山毛櫸結的堅果。
森林黝暗，茂密，潮溼。
林木巨大，參天，堅實。
整片森林默默地暗自生長。整片森林腐朽。到森林的路上天氣極美，進了林子氣候丕變。又溼又冷。雨珠從百年的灰色枝幹和葉面墜落，雨水填滿雜草叢生的小水塘。
渾濁青綠的水塘裡，蓮花自在漂浮，蜻蜓俯衝。你抓住我，愛撫我。我們緊緊相擁。你撩起我的牛仔裙，撫摸我的花園。花園溫暖，溼潤。你揉捏我的臀股，我扯下你牛仔褲的拉鍊。我們做愛。我們做愛。我們在沉默的山毛櫸樹下做愛。如此靜。如此靜。我們可以聽見遠處足球場上小孩子又吼又叫。只有雨水滴落，落在我們的頭髮，我們的肌膚。雨水滴落在我們腳邊的櫻草花上，沒有干擾到我們兩個。
intimate
adj. 1.having a close personal relationship; 2.personal or private; 3.(of knowledge) extensive and detailed; 4.(foll by with) euphemistic having a sexual relationship (with); 5.having a friendly quiet atmosphere. n. close friend.
How can intimate live with privacy?
We have lived together after first week we met. You said you never lived so closely with another person before. You always avoided intimate with the other person. You said to have your friends more important than your lovers. That’s so different with my Chinese love – family means everything.
Maybe people here have problems being intimate with each other. People keep distance because they want independence, so lovers don’t live with together, instead they only see each other at weekend or sleep together twice a week. A family doesn’t live with together therefore the intimate inside of a family disappeared. Maybe that why Westerners much more separated, lonely, and have more Old People’s House. Maybe also why newspapers always report cases of peterfiles and perverts.
We are in your old white van. You want to show me somewhere special called the Burnham Beach.
‘Is it the British ocean?’ I ask, excited to visit sea for first time. You are laughing.
‘B-e-e-c-h, not b-e-a-c-h. In English, a beech is a type of tree, not an ocean. I’ll take you to the sea another time.’
How I ever understand your complicated language – not even any change in accent like we have in Chinese. We have four intonations, so every tone means different word. Like:
mi in first tone means to close eyes.
mi in second tone means to fancy something.
mi in third tone means rice.
mi in fourth tone means honey.
Anyway, on the highway of M40, I have my dictionaries to check out what exactly that beach/beech is. Collins tells me that is a European tree, but when I look my little Concise dictionary, says it is a tree called ‘Shan Mao Ju’, which grows everywhere in China. We cut those trees for lighting fires in kitchen. We used to carry baskets and collect their nutty seeds when we were little.
The woods are dark, lush, and wet.
Trees are huge, tall, and solid.
The whole woods are growing silently and secretly. The whole woods are decay. On way to woods it was a beautiful day, but inside woods the climate is totally different. Is chilly and rainy. Rain drops from those hundred-year-old greyish branches and leafs, and the rain fills the ponds stuffed by weeds.
In the muddy and greeny pond, lotus gently floats, and the dragonfly dashes. You hold me and caress me. We are in each other’s arm. You lift my denim skirt, and you touch my garden. My garden is warm and moist. You stroke my hip, and I unzip your jean. We make love. We make love. We make love under the silent beech tree. So quiet, so quiet. We can hear children on the football field in the distance are yelling. Only the rain drops, fall on our hair, our skin. Rain drops on the cowslip flower by our feet, without disturbing us.
【霧】
〈名詞〉低空瀰漫的凝結水汽團，容易導致能見度降低。
「倫敦以霧都聞名。」中學課本上如此說道。我們讀過狄更斯《霧都孤兒》（台譯《孤雛淚》）的小說選摘。這本書在中國名氣大得很，人人曉得主角奧利佛住的地方霧害不是普通的嚴重。
這會兒真的來到倫敦，四下張望卻見不到半點霧。
「不好意思，請問哪兒看得到霧？」我問街頭的值勤員警。
「什麼？」他說。
「我已經等了兩天，都沒有霧，」我說。
他直盯著我瞧，一定是聽不懂我的英語吧。
出門走馬看花回到「納廷頓之家」，接待處的女士跟我說：「今天好冷，是不是？」幹嘛這樣說...
目錄
Before從前
prologue序幕
February二月
alien外國人／hostel住宿處／full english breakfast全套英式早餐／proper妥當／fog霧／beginner初學者／pronoun代名詞／slogan口號／weather天氣／confuse困惑／homesick想家／Progressive Tenses進行時態
March三月
homosexual同性戀／guest客人／misunderstanding誤會／bachelor單身漢／green fingers綠手指／fertilise下種／instruction使用說明／charm魅力／vegetarian素食者／noble高貴
April四月
surprise意外／pub酒吧／drifter漂泊者／bisexual雙性戀／chinese cabbage + english slug中國甘藍菜+英國蛞蝓／privacy隱私／intimate親密／free world自由世界
May五月
custom習俗／fart放屁／home家／colony殖民地
June六月
prostitute賣淫／heaven天堂／romance羅曼史
July七月
physical勞力／isolate孤立／humour幽默／migraine偏頭痛
August八月
equal平等／frustrate挫折／nonsense無意義／discord噪音／identity認同／anarchist安那其／hero英雄／freedom自由／schengen space申根地區
September九月
Paris巴黎／Amsterdam阿姆斯特丹／Berlin柏林／Venice威尼斯／Tavira塔維拉／Faro法洛／Dublin都柏林
October十月
self自我／abortion墮胎／nostalgia懷舊／age年紀／lighthouse燈塔
November十一月
pathology病理學／pessimism / optimism悲觀主義，樂觀主義／electric帶電／bestseller暢銷書
December十二月
Future Tense未來式／possess占有／Christmas聖誕節
January一月
betray背叛／infinity無窮／expel開除／dilemma兩難／timing時機
February二月
contradiction矛盾／fatalism宿命論／race競賽／departure離開
Afterwards後來
epilogue尾聲
Before從前
prologue序幕
February二月
alien外國人／hostel住宿處／full english breakfast全套英式早餐／proper妥當／fog霧／beginner初學者／pronoun代名詞／slogan口號／weather天氣／confuse困惑／homesick想家／Progressive Tenses進行時態
March三月
homosexual同性戀／guest客人／misunderstanding誤會／bachelor單身漢／green fingers綠手指／fertilise下種／instruction使用說明／charm魅力／vegetarian素食者／noble高貴
April四月
surprise意外／pub酒吧／drifter漂泊者／bisexual雙性戀／chinese cabbage + english slug中國...
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6二手徵求有驚喜
