完全莫非定律

特別收錄 / 編輯的話：人生難免有又好氣又好笑的經驗，本書收集了各式各樣廣受歡迎、令人捧腹的幽默定律，令人驚嘆又無可反駁的觀察，包括人生百態、辦公室哲學、官僚學、階級學……等。可以在演說、書信、聚會等各種場合，隨手捻來妙趣橫生的短句，讓您在笑聲中重新體會人生的真意及語言的奧妙。

MURPHOLOGY
莫非篇

● MURPHY’S LAW:
If anything can go wrong, it will.
○ 莫非定律：
會出錯的事，一定出錯。

● Corollaries:
1. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
2. Every solution breeds new problems.
3. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
○ 同理可證：
1. 不管你想著手做什麼事，一定有別的得先做完。
2. 解決方案都會帶來新的問題。
3. 傻事防不勝防，誰教傻子總是想得出新傻法。

● THE MURPHY PHILOSOPHY:
Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.
○ 莫非人生觀：
能笑就笑。明天會更糟。

● CHRIS’S COMMENT:
You always have to give up something you want for something you want more.
○ Chris的看法：
想得到熊掌，總是有魚得放棄。

● HEYMANN’S LAW:
Mediocrity imitates.
○ Heymann的定律：
庸人專事模仿。

● CHISHOLM’S FIRST LAW:
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
○ Chisholm的第一定律：
每當一切順利就會出紕漏。

● Corollaries:
1. When things just can’t get any worse, they will.
2. Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
○ 同理可證：
1. 情況要是糟得無以復加，還有更糟的事。
2. 要是一切看來順利，一定哪兒疏忽了。

● CHISHOLM’S SECOND LAW:
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
○ Chisholm的第二定律：
任何建議總是提的人是什麼意思，聽的人就想成別的意思。

● Corollaries:
1. If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
2. If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody’s approval, somebody won’t like it.
3. Procedures devised to implement the purpose won’t quite work.
○ 同理可證：
1. 就算你把事情說得一清二楚，就是有人會不清楚。
2. 就算你有把握把事情辦得皆大歡喜，一定有人會不喜歡。
3. 專為達成目的所安排的程序，就是會不如人意。

● LAW OF THE LIE:
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people who believe it true.
○ 謊話定律：
謊話不管給人揭穿多少次，總是會有些人信以為真。

● ISSAWI’S LAWS OF_PROGRESS:
The Course of Progress:
Most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress:
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
The Pace of Progress:
Society is a mule, not a car. If pressed too hard, it will kick and throw off its rider.
○ Issawi的進步定律：
進步的歷程：
事情大半一天不如一天。
進步的路徑：
捷徑兩點間最遠的距離。
進步的速度：
社會是頭騾子，不是車子。把牠逼急了，牠會把騎士摔下騾背。

● ARISTOTLE’S DICTUM:
One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.
○ 亞里斯多德（希臘哲學家）的格言：
寧可選合理的難事，也不可選不合理的易事。

● RUDIN’S LAW:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
○ Rudin的定律：
一般人面臨危機而只有幾條路可走的話，大半就會挑上那條最差的路走。

● GINSBERG’S THEOREM:
1. You can’t win.
2. You can’t break even.
3. You can’t even quit the game.
○ Ginsberg的理論：
1. 你贏不了。
2. 你沒辦法扯平。
3. 你想撒手不玩都不行。

● FREEMAN’S COMMENTARY ON GINSBERG’S THEOREM:
Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg’s Theorem. To wit:
1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
○ Freeman補充Ginsberg的理論：
賦予人生意義的大哲學體系，都是以Ginsberg理論的反面做基礎。如下：
1. 資本主義的基本前題是你贏得了。
2. 社會主義的基本前題是你能扯平。
3. 神秘主義的基本前題是你可以撒手不玩。

● LUNSFORD’S RULE OF SCIENTIFIC ENDEAVOR:
The simple explanation always follows the complex solution.
○ Lunsford的科學嘗試法則：
解釋簡單，解決一定複雜。

● STOCKMAYER’S THEOREM:
If it looks easy, it’s tough.
If it looks tough, it’s damn well impossible.
○ Stockmayer的定理：
看起來簡單的其實難。
看起來難的，根本就是不可能。

● THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW:
As soon as you mention something
─ if it’s good, it goes away.
─ if it’s bad, it happens.
○ 難以言喻的定律：
每當你提到某事
──好的就告吹。
──壞的就降臨。

MURPHOLOGY莫非篇● MURPHY’S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will.○ 莫非定律： 會出錯的事，一定出錯。● Corollaries: 1. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. 2. Every solution breeds new problems. 3. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.○ 同理可證： 1. 不管你想著手做什麼事，一定有別的得先做完。 2. 解決方案都會帶來新的問題。 3. 傻事防不勝防，誰教傻子總是想得出新傻法。● THE MURPHY PHILOSOPHY: Smile. Tomorrow will be wors...